the ratio.

got this from cracked.com.
this site is practically overflowing with awesomeness.

"The Legend:

"Dude, I can totally tell he's gay! Look at his fingers!"

This sounds like one of those playground urban myths that adolescent males use as an excuse to punch each other. Supposedly, comparing the size of your index and ring fingers can tell whether a guy is destined to one day make out with Sulu and Andy Dick in a poorly lit alley in Hollywood.

Yeah, right. Enough of your ignorant homophobia!

The Truth:

Incredibly, this is a real thing. It's called digit ratio theory and multiple studies have confirmed it.

Apparently if you have a longer ring finger, it means you got more testosterone as a fetus and are more likely to be hyperactive, aggressive and disgusted by anything featuring Hugh Grant.

A longer index finger, on the other hand, means more estrogen, making you more neurotic and sensitive. So if your index finger is way longer than your ring finger, you're like the gayest dude ever, right?

Actually, no. Studies found that it was when the two fingers were nearly the same length that the subjects were more likely to be gay (men and women both). Why? You'll have to ask the scientists, it's technical. What we do know is a study from Rutgers looking at finger lengths in lesbians even found a noticeable difference between the "butch" ladies who drive trucks and wear flannel and the more feminine lesbians who tend to populate your fantasies.

So... how far into this entry did you get before you stopped to look at your fingers?"

the kick.

there's something about high expectations that complicate things.
who am i trying to convince?

the councel.

"Young, beautiful, fresh. I just, I, I look at you and I think GOD. Just, find good dudes! Find good guys. Don't find guys who have a stack of mags on top of their toilet, and watch Spike TV....If your boyfriend watches more than, like, 20 minutes of cop car chases, cut it out. And let me tell you, tell you one other secret, ladies. My new, my new class. If he is wearing a hat, like, a baseball cap, that baseball cap must be perfectly straight on his head. If that hat is even just one degree off this way or that way, it's actually relative to how much of a dick he is. So if he's totally that way, that's how much of a dick he is. And if his hat is all the way sideways, ruuuuuun! Stay in line with the hat. And if it's on backwards, he may want to arm wrestle. That's my over-the-top reference.."

- John Mayer

the reflection.

it's probably me.
i'm sure it's me.
i always come back to this question.
i think it's me.
be cool, my boy.
allow the universe to unfold, all that's yours by divine right, will be given to you.
if it's not, then let it go, because you can't take it with you.
it sounds all so cliché, but the alternative is a much more stressful and lonely experience.
man up.
you've gotten yourself this far without screwing things up.

but i wonder sometimes, about the outcome.
it's not a quarter life crisis.
it's nervewrecking.
it's an absolutely mind blasting and most definitely draining experience.
yet, it's so exciting.

so very exciting.

the reflection.

it's probably me.
i'm sure it's me.
i always come back to this question.
i think it's me.
be cool, my boy.
allow the universe to unfold, all that's yours by divine right, will be given to you.
if it's not, then let it go, because you can't take it with you.
it sounds all so cliché, but the alternative is a much more stressful and lonely experience.
man up.
you've gotten yourself this far without screwing things up.

but i wonder sometimes, about the outcome.
it's not a quarter life crisis.
it's a nervewrecking.
it's an absolutely mind blasting and most definitely draining experience.
yet, it's so exciting.

so very exciting.

the collision.

"Remember this phrase: Perfectly imperfect."

Time travel.

The fun part is actually knowing that i'm going back in time.
i think i have pretty much every incentive to blog again,
so i will. very soon. promise.

kthxbye.

The Glass Passenger.

This will be short. and very brief. try to keep up.
one. cat ran away. and came back. and ran away again. suspected girlfriend.
two. Jack's Mannequin's The Glass Passenger is awesome. i'm a year late. *slaps myself.
three. a line from a song of the album. "i give you this confession, i'm taking you with me, where we can contemplate our chemistry." beautiful.
four. football. i remember why i loved the game.
five. gotta go. gossip girl beckons. never been this addicted. you know you love me.

the stray.

dad brought back a stray cat from the new house construction site.
nearly full grown i think, i really have no idea what to expect from this.
in fact, this guy was too familiar.
when the site was still just a pile of rubble,
i found him. it seemed docile.
he let me pet him.
at least for a while,
before he scratched me.
no one ever tell him to not bite the hand that fed?
only it wasn't a bite, and i didn't quite feed.
hmm.

maybe after a good bath and much tender loving care,
he'd be a handsome devil.

he'll be good for the mice.
the mice problem i mean.
i expect to see bodies in the morning.


pictures soon.

the sexy.

mom's car is sexy.
well. it .. used to be.

now it's just gay.



see what i mean?

the hammer blow.

it has been decided.
i'm off in a week's time.
might even miss dad's birthday party.
i've got family friends in London, and Scotland.
so i might crash at their place until school reopens.
hang out with long lost buds and all that.
get a job even.
above all,
i hate myself for letting this happen.

the school's being a total @$$.

summer's been good to me. is why i've not been updating much. however. i think i've got reason to right now.

i think i may have landed myself in quite a pickle. it seems like my summer holiday is to be sliced in half, and i will have to return to the land of gloom and doom quite very prematurely. i kid you not. i am very much illiterate when it comes to computers, and what more excel, and so yes, i've failed that one subject. FOR FAILING THAT ONE SUBJECT, they're making me go back to redo a few assignments in the university PC labs. i told them to give a little compromise, since it is just one subject, BUT NOOOO, it is all regulation, and that all international students are subject to this. yes, smartasses, all international students will be left lepaking around UK for the next one month while waiting for school to reopen. awesome. i receive the letter from the school, and i have just realised that i have got just over a week left in KK before i have to jet off and perhaps never see the sun again. for another few months. what more, we've already bought our tickets back for september, and it seems like it's going to have to forfeit. dad's going to be so pissed. fingers crossed, he'll screw them so bad, that they might even extend my summer holiday. heh.

anyways.

another thing.
another two laksas to introduce to the ever hungreh world.
i'd like to say i very much support the underdogs. =)

anyways.


this here laksa's from a source you'd least expect it, and you've probably never come here because of the dominance of Old Town, ..Olde Station's curry laksa. packs a mean punch. at times. must go for hor fun.


okay. kuching laksa. this one here's from.. this is going to be hard to describe. the bus terminal over at inanam? opposite ends of the kolombong giant? the few blocks of shoplots? right smack next to the famous chicken chasau rice shop. very gao!! spicehh!!

next up is a picture i took a few days ago when doing a bit of grocery chopping in servay hypermarket. i could probably post this up on failblog.org.


British Allergy Foundation, Seal of Approval.
Weed. nice.


til next time.
i may already be in Keele the next time i post something up. hah.

the secret valentine.

" when guilt fills your head
brush off rise up from the dead
this is the moment that we
will come alive
brace yourself for love
sweet love, secret love. "

- W.T.K.

Hands Down.

Breathe in for luck,
breathe in so deep,
this air is blessed,
you share with me.
This night is wild,
so calm and dull,
these hearts they race,
from self control.
Your legs are smooth,
as they graze mine,
we're doing fine,
we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high,
that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

The words are hushed lets not get busted;
just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions.
"hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...
so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
and this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet
and the gate was locked so I jumped it,
and I let you in.
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
and you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it,
that you meant it,
that you meant it,
and I knew,
that you meant it,
that you meant it.

- Dashboard Confessional

the nominees.

since yee fung's officially down and out of the king of laksa tourney, i bring to your attention, two underdogs.
you might not know this, but foodcourts are sometimes an awesome location for good food. not to mention good laksa.

here, is the laksa melaka from center point's palm cafe.



and over here, is city mall food court's version of the kuching laksa.



both are pretty orgasmic. if you love laksa.

go try em out and tell me what you think!

---

head over heels.

the unsung.

friday night was epic. i'd really like to thank you special lot for making it happen. you guys make the perfect guests. and damn i loved them chicken wings.



we're on the way to darian's home to pick him up, and daniel(fai zai) decides to hide in the boot and attempts to scare darian. elementary stuff. it should work. nothing could go wrong. but of course, something could and most likely will go wrong if anyone who self proclaims themselves as retarded stars in the clip.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQTZxHeA20s

isn't he a special kid?

the enlightened one.

i've come to realise, that sometimes, the things that you want, may not be the things intended for you. and no matter what you do, it's just not gonna happen. you got to keep truckin'. life sucks, wear a helmet. this isn't a rant. this is.. enlightenment.

edit:

then again, what you need may already be right under your noses. you just looked too hard. take off them binoculars.

the view.

yeah. that's about it. not much of a blog post really, but i'd just like to share what i saw, from dad's floor. with no walls and no roof. heh.

twas around one pm, and me, my dad and my brother decided to get a little tan.


the house at the far end's hong ming's grandparents' ..i think.


the guys hard at work. not the most social people.


i should really come out at noon more often, the sky looks awesome!!
oh, and right beneath me is my room. dad was like,
"hey, you want a glass ceiling?"
half second pause - "YESSSSSSS!!"
"..your head ah."



marco's crib. big brother's watching you.


the tiniest little gap between the coconut tree at the middle and the roof on the left shows the slightest hint of the sea. and i swear i can see a ship. or boat. i mean, it's got sails!!


i've hit a bit of a rut. a little lazy patch. think i should start looking for a job?
but i've only started meeting new people.. sigh.

i think this weekend's going to be swell.
reg's comin back too. sweet. one more friend.
happy weekend y'all. =)

Dear May,

Hi May. Glass here. i know the name still sounds kinda weird, but it's okay, i'll find a new one for you soon. cos i'm smart like that. besides, i know you're going to miss me, cos no one in LD could ever replace me as the awesome driver and PA that i was. so. ya gui. come back soon, because i don't think this little stint together that we had(of course my being absent for the past year didn't help) really gave me enough opportunity to know you inside out. but hey, it was fun. and yes, i've said it once and i'll say it again, i'll definitely miss you dreadfully. it's all your fault if you see me with bruises all over when you come back in august. taa! =)

P.S. Get yourself a phone over there ASAP!! Don't you dare say you ain't got no money; GOD WILL PROVIDE!! =P



Love,
Doug.

the people sing.

i want to be .. me.

i want to be .. surprised by hope.

i want to be .. different today.

i want to be .. an influential nobody.

i want to .. know my neighbours by name.

i want to be .. more than i am today.

i want to .. care enough to grieve.

i want to .. make you proud.

i want to .. see the world as you see it.

i want to .. take small steps, not dream of giant leaps.

---------------------------------------------------


Isaiah 58:6-8
6 "This is the fast day I'm after: to break the chains of injustice, get rid of exploitation in the workplace, free the oppressed, cancel debts.

7 What I'm interested in seeing you do is: sharing your food with the hungry, inviting the homeless poor into your homes, putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad.

8 Do this and the lights will turn on, and your lives will turn around at once. Your righteousness will pave your way. The God of glory will secure your passage.

--------------------------------------------------

i want to be .. a history maker.

the christening.

i call my guitar, Charlotte.
it was the first time i used her in church today,
and in church we were playing this hymn entitled,
'Give of Your Best to The Master',
by Charlotte A.

The Hellish Riff.

"Remember: No scale is cemented. They are only guidelines to your own creations."

(G Minor Pentatonic Scale): AC/DC - You Shook Me All Night Long

e|-------------3------------------------------------------------------------|
B|---------------3--6-------------------------------------3-----------------|
G|---5b(7)~~~~---------5b(7)--5--3------------------------3--------3--------|
D|----------------------------------5---5--3-----------------5--5-----------|
A|------------------------------------5-------5--3--------------------------|
E|--------------------------------------------------6--3--------------------|

e|--------------------------------------------------------------------------|
B|-------6--6------8--8-----8--10b--8-----8-----12b--8-----8-----15--15-----|
G|---/7--------/9--------9-------------9-----9----------9-----9-------------|
D|--------------------------------------------------------------------------|
A|--------------------------------------------------------------------------|
E|--------------------------------------------------------------------------|

dilemma.

should i attend a prom.. which i am not a part of.. even though i am offered tickets?
i know i've got loads of friends there.. but then again.. it is their party.

or should i just help them plan the after-party?

or should i just not go at all?

sarah said, "you're the kind of person that would go for something like this."

what's that supposed to mean?


meanwhile.



heh.

the new coach/ the eastern glow.

football, epic fail. there is a reasaon why they call those sort of matches, friendlies. friendlies. light hearted. there's a reason why we're not in a competition. it's just a freaking game. i wish the coach would understand that.

yesterday in a church against church game, i played my worst game ever. worst game because i was placed in a position totally foreign to me. try a .. roy keane role, if you will. protect the defence, disrupt opposition play by making a whole lot of flying tackles, support the wingmen, and support your attacking central midfielder. big ask huh. i don't do that. i play the wing. i own the flanks. i make the crosses. the balls come to me. how come that line sounds familiar.. anyway. after a five or six month hiatus, things have changed. a lot. the whole squad's changed. someone's even taken my place as a winger. i guess they don't play for fun anymore. because now, we have a coach. think, alex ferguson. only meaner. i don't think he's married. he can't be. i've heard of him, even when i was overseas. "meanest s.o.b. they've ever seen" , is what they said when i asked. that was the kinda treatment i got. kinda expected it really. but then again, i didn't expect to play this bad. freaky. no mercy. i could hear all them people screaming at me from all directions. after fifteen minutes of confusion, i was movied to the left back position. what the hell indeed. i made it clear that i wanted out. i got replaced, and warmed up the bench for the match. halftime. teamtalk. what coach said really hit a nerve. said somewhere along the lines of, DO YOUR JOB. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO, QUIT. OR I QUIT. YOU CHOOOSE. the thing is, we don't pay him. voluntary work. i'd rather he quit actually.

the match went on. we led 3 - 2. people came out and went back in. there was one samaritan. this young fella. told me to not give up. i'd only get better after more matches. i was just out of it after so long. good lad. i was put back on the field on the 85th minute. coach put me in my favourite spot. i got clattered. i got roughed up real good, but i was comfy where i was. and then i misplaced a pass. i got screamed at again. final whistle went. THANK GOD.

train. get fit. show that coach.

----------------------------------------------------------

anywho.

the new house is coming up pretty nicely. i've not seen it since it looked only like a pile of rubble.



sorry, couldn't get the full view of it. i like that curvy side. =) the structure's not done yet though. mom n dad's room is on the second floor, and apparently, the second floor is still non existant. hmm. and then after that is the sky lounge. we came up with the greatest idea ever. build a small tower above the roof, which willl already be pretty darn high.. and make it like a small driving range, and whack them balls into the villages at the back. heh.

i'm designing my own room.. and i was thinking. traditional japanese theme. fully equipped with tatami mats, kotasu tables, and fusuma/shoji sliding screens.. all aimed to give a serene and tranquil environment. whatchu think? i think i'm getting old.











i have a jacuzzi. heh.

the big guns.

i present to you,
the sheraton II.
haven't got a name for it yet though.
























ain't she a beauty?

gonn' keep her for life,
and maybe if ma son's been a good kid,
i'll pass it down.
just maybe.

One For The Road.

uhh. alright. now that i'm back to driving, i'm going to need to create a new mixtape. one for the road. i'm thinking, the old stuff. good ol' rock and roll. i've got all this to start with, so, whatchu think?
mind you, i'm a huge AC/DC fan.

1. AC/DC - Back in Black
2. AC/DC - You Shook Me All Night Long
3. AC/DC - Highway to Hell
4. AC/DC - Giving the Dog a Bone
5. AC/DC - Ride On
6. AC/DC - Hells Bells
7. AC/DC - Rock n' Roll Train
8. AC/DC - TNT
9. AC/DC - Thunderstruck
10. AC/DC - For Those About to Rock
11. AC/DC - Let's Get It Up
12. Guns N' Roses - Paradise City
13. Guns N' Roses - Sweet Child O' Mine
14. Led Zeppelin - Stairway to Heaven
15. Lynyrd Skynyrd - Freebird
16. Lynyrd Skynyrd - Sweet Home Alabama
17. Kansas - Carry On My Wayward Son
18. Steppenwolf - Born To Be Wild
19. Jimi Hendrix - Voodoo Child
20. Jimi Hendrix - Purple Haze

anything else i should add?

touchdown turnaround.

after thirty three freaking hours of travelling, i arrive home.

i was like santa for a little while then, bearing gifts for all.

now. to sleep it off.

but i find that i'll be sleeping on the floor, on a spare mattress, now that the family's given my bed away to the maid.

hmm. bed hunting then. i always fancied them japanese style beds.

maybe it's in the blood.

the process.

ironic, isn't it, how in the last survey i've done, one of my most wanted things to do was to go to the UK again.. and now that i'm here, i desperately want to go back home? i guess we're never going to be content with what we have.

anywho, start counting down with me. eight days until hot, humid air slaps its sweaty palms on my face again. two months ago i said to my friend,

'dude, it's exactly two months until we go home. home stretch baby.'

two months later, and it doesn't feel like time's moving any faster.

just to roughly let you picture how excited i am about going home, i've set my clock back to malaysian time. no, not my watches or clocks. because if i did that, i'd probably miss all of my exams, and be wondering why the sun's still setting at three in the morning. my biological clock, to be precise. i go to bed at six or seven pm here, when it looks like it's still noon outside. that's one or two in the morning back in malaysia. i wake up at one or two in the morning, UK time, and stay up. just to hear my drunk housemates come back from the club and destroy the kitchen.

quite frankly, i don't quite care what happens to the house anymore. i'm moving out. next semester when i come back, i'll be staying in hopefully a more conducive environment to ..shall we say.. sanity. rooms with their own bathrooms, so i could take hour-long showers. i think those rooms have queen sized beds too. there's probably enough room for me to roll around naked in a bed full of cash. nah, don't imagine that.

so yesterday, i thought i ought to start packing my stuff, me being immensely bored at at five in the morning. i needed cardboard boxes, so i went out to the back of the university shop to see if there were any lying around near the trash. saw the cleaner. must've thought,

'hmm, these chinese kids sure are strange, up at this hour scouring trough trash. poor kid. he must've been a hobo back in his mainland..'

i just thought i'd ask the fella if he had any boxes, that'll do me a whole world of good, and make me look less of a jackass standing there knee deep in trash. so i asked him.

'excuse me sir, was wondering if you had any cardboard boxes in good condition? needa pack my stuff.'

so he started looking. hard. like, really concentrating. like, trying to dig up treasure. he must've felt pretty sorry for me. handed me about half a dozen good ones.

'here you go kid, these ones i know they're good, i threw 'em here yesterday myself. hand picked!'

'ahh cheers. that's uhh... that's swell.'

---

went to watch angels and demons couple of days ago. i thought the book was epic. and the movie.. well, the movie turned out to be just mediocre. the plot was altered quite a bit. which is why if you didn't read the book you'd probably just go, wtf. they turned it into somewhat of a die hard-esque action movie. i also never imagined ewan mcgregor in the role of a villain. turned out he was good at being bad. which is not bad at all.

9.

the yesteryears.

i miss being stupid.
with these guys.

4 years.

Horses, where've you gone?

start today, tomorrow.

when the sun sets today..
i'll start counting down.

16 days.
386 hours.
11580 minutes.
694800 seconds.

i need cardboard boxes.

Fabo-Wear.

dear diary,

it seemed like i was rolling round the bed forever last night. but before that, let me get into detail what happened. you see, me and six other people were supposed to be doing this project; an assignment, to come up with a real business plan that could actually work, and explain how we were going to run it, and of course picking out a unique product. so. we were informed of this eight weeks ago. nevertheless, being university students, and students in general, we absolutely must procrastinate. you're just not normal if you don't. despite my efforts to turn this issue around, it was simply of no use. free will. and when you leave it up to them, they just won't show up for classes or meetings. not that i cared. initially.

seven weeks and twenty nine days later, i got supremely worried. i got a text, and we met up in the computer lab in the library. finally, everyone shows up. all seven of us. even a member i never knew existed. people here seem to thrive on last minute jobs. i thought to myself, if we could pull this off, we were gods. in a way. we asked each other, "we're selling clothes, how we gonna fund it?" lucky enough, we've got this guy in our group who produces music. actual.. music. like, his own production company, called Skillz Beatz. so what we did, we sort of copied 50 Cent. G-Unit. 50 Cent came up with his own clothing line, G-Unit, even made it into a group. so, we thought we could do the same. Skillz would be like 50 Cent, and his clothing would be called, Fabo - Wear. i swear i did not come up with that name. it worked. we came up with our business plan, what everyone was to do in the company, and our finance department worked out that in our first three months, we'd have a nett profit of near 120 grand. as in 120000 POUNDS. jaws dropped. but we played along. at this rate, we could take down ed hardy. it'll take a bit of an effort to touch gucci. and yes, we did state in our plan that our competition would be those of BAPE, Ed Hardy, and other brands that you might not find in your local department store. optimistic, are we not? the only thing was, that each of us needed to come up with the starting capital of seventeen thousand to make ends meet. we could do it.

we kept truckin' in the library from three in the afternoon to nightfall. we didn't even realise it was night, as the sunset kinda was around nine to ten. i slept at ten. just thought i needed to be alert in the presentation the next day. i woke up at three. for some reason. partially due to the noise my drunk housemates were making, and partially also because i was too damned excited and nervous at the same time. got out of bed at five and began rehearsing. presentation was at half nine. first thought that came to mind, "dress smart. you're going to be facing real businessmen. real entrepreneurs. they know their stuff. make a good first impression." suited up. hair all oiled up. somehow, in front of the mirror, all i could think about was k-pop. $#&%.

i met up with everyone around eight. they too looked slick. all my teammates were african, and two asians. everyone looked like they had real grit. it's either that or they faced the fact that they're going to a certain death. clouds came in, even the rain was imminent. no thunder though. thought it might add well to the drama. oh well. marched in precisely on time, forced smiles all over. the three invigilators welcomed us in. from the looks of it; black suit and dress, they were serious too. all three of them behind a long desk, this was beginning to look like american idol.

we started off with a bang. each one of us somehow finding dutch courage, and information and arguments just came pouring out of our mouths. everything seemed natual. born businessmen. "what is this line right here.. Mess Of Swagger?" "Oh that? that's like our thing, our slogan in a way, actually depicting who we are, and what we bring to the business, enterpreting that into our clothing." well said. "how are you going to fund all this then?" "we got Skillz Beatz." anything finance related, Skillz would take care of it. hands down.

somehow, they bought it. and like, they thought we were awesome. in their words, we were in the running to be in the top five of the whole uni, and we had a chance to get in a competition, in which the winner runs off with two grand. wicked. we stepped out of the board room, the invigilators all smiles and shouting, "I LIKE THAT, SWAGGER!! HAHAHA" literally. high fives and hugs on the way out. i think i have some sort of lucky charm in that suit of mine.

i need sleep.

doug.

the best thing.

we were in the room. i could still picture the moment as if it was yesterday. for that point in time, i thought that nothing could go wrong for us. i felt like i could take on the world. this was basically it, all that i needed; the best thing that has ever happened to me. the best thing. discreetly i wondered, what did i do to deserve such good fortune? it was then i remembered the words. and i sang to her, every single word and line treated like an oath, a promise.


"We should get jerseys cause we make a great team
But yours would look better than mine, cause you're out of my league
And I know that it's so cliche to tell you that everyday
I spend with you is the new best day of my life
Everyone watching us just turns away with disgust
It's jealousy, they can see that we've got it going on

And I'm racking my brain for a new improved way
To let you know your more to me than what I know how to say
You're okay with the way this is going to be
This is going to be the best thing that we've ever seen

Or maybe I'm just lucky cause it's hard to believe
Believe that somebody like you'd end up with someone like me
And I know that it's so cliche to talk about you this way
But I'll push all my inhibitions aside
It's so very obvious to everyone watching us
That we have got something real good going on

If anyone can make me a better person you could
All I got to say is I must have done something good
You came along one day and you rearranged my life
All I got to say is I must have done something right
I must have done something right

...

All my life I've been searching for you
How did I survive in this world before you
Cuz I don't wanna live another day without you now

Cos when I looked into your eyes
And you dared to stare right back
You should've said "Nice to meet you, I'm your other half"

This is the best thing
The best thing that could be happening
And I think you would agree
The best thing is that it's happening to you and me

Always knew
I'd find someone
I never dreamt
It'd be like this
You've surpassed
All that I've hoped for and ever wished
And I'm trying so hard
With all my heart and mind
To make your life as good as you've made mine.. "


she had tears in her eyes when i was done.
a promise. a promise that i've failed to keep.

i, uhh..

i am freaking twenty one.

i am not that old right?

i am in denial.

What Would You Do?

Boys and girls wanna hear a true story?
Saturday night was at this real wild party
They had the liquor overflowin' the cup, about
5 or 6 strippers tryin to work for a buck
and I-took one girl outside wit me, her name
was Loni, she went to Junior High wit me,
I said, Why you up in there dancin for cash?,
I guess a whole lots changed since I seen you last
She said..

What would you do?, if your son was at home
crying all alone on the bedroom
floor, cos he's hungry
and thee only way to feed him is ta sleep wit a man
for a little bit of money, and his daddy's gone
somewhere smokin' rock now, in and out of lock down,
I aint gotta job now, so for you
this is just a good time
but for me this is what I call life.

Girl you aint tha only one with a baby,
that's no excuse to be livin all crazy
then she looked me right square in the eye
and said everyday I wake up hopin' to die,
she said- nigga I know about pain cos,
me and my sista ran away, so my daddy
couldn't rape us, before I was a teenager
I'v been through more shit, you can't even
relate to!

yo wait a second,
check it man something just aint soundin right,
your tellin me your girlfriend couldnt go out
and get a regular job?
that is mad shortys goin through the same thing yo,
if I ever ran into yo girlfriend I'd probablly say
hold up...

What would you do?
Get up on my feet and let go of every excuse
What would you do?
Cos I wouldn't want my baby, to go through what
I went through
What would you do?
Get up on my feet, stop makin tired excuses
What would you do?
Girl I know if my mother can do
it, baby you can do it.

Oooo, oooo, oooo-(yea, yea, yea, yea)

(guy)
What would you do? if your son was at home,
crying all alone on the bedroom
floor, cos he's hungry
and the only way to feed him is to sleep wit a man
for a little bit of money, and his daddy's gone
somewhere smokin rock now, in and out of lock down,
I aint gotta job now, so for you
this is just a good time
but for me this is what I call life (Come on)

I dare you.

"I dare you to lift yourself up from the floor."

"We were meant to live for so much more, have we lost ourselves?"

"This is your life, are you who you want to be?"

"Where's your treasure, where's your hope, if you get the world and lose your soul?"

"I want to see miracles, see the world change."

"Don't fall down in this broken world around you."

"All of your hoping, and all of your searching, for what?"

"Could it be true, can life be new, and can i be used?"

"We are the target market, we set the corporate target, we are the slaves of what we want."

"I've been thinking about the meaning of resistance, of a hope beyond my own, and suddenly the infinite and penitent begin to look like home."

"Let the weak say i am strong, and it won't be long, let the right say i was wrong, and it won't be long, let us find where we belong."

"Why this tragedy, why can't we seem to keep it together?"

"I want to wake up kicking and screaming, i want to live like i know what i'm leaving, i want to know that my heart's still beating."

"You've one life, one life left to lead."

"In this life i've been burning after more, we both know what these open arms are for."

"We were young and the world was clear, but young ambitions disappear.. i swore it would never come to this; the average, the obvious."

"Before i die i want to burn out bright."

"There's still fire in you yet."

"I know now you're my only hope."

"I find peace when i'm confused, i find hope when i'm let down.. not in me, but in you."


- Switchfoot.

untitled.

should i keep blogging about the trip? i mean, all i've got ever since i came back were mixed feelings and how people telling me i was wrong to do this and that. my family, a couple of good friends, i told them about the trip, and they were happy for me. happy because i got to do this. a little experience. a little adventure. boundaries? yeah, i have them. i really don't need for anyone to tell me what i should or should not do. sure, i smoked a bit of pot. so what? does that make me an addict? does that make me a bad person now? oh no, he did 'the thing', he's gonna go all downhill from now on. bull. i got to go to amsterdam and experience the culture there. that's all there is to it. culture. something some people never get the chance to do in an entire lifetime. no regrets.

edit:
a friend had me thinking about what i posted. sorry bout that sudden lapse. human frailty.

london - amsteram part 2.

06/04 day three. stingy bastards. they couldn't even fix an extra lock for the toilet. it's a sharing room, darnit. woke up relieved the doctor dude didn't touch me. this was to be my final day in london, and i couldn't extend my stay in the malaysian halls because well, six pounds fifty. who wouldn't want that? ash came round and told me we could stay in a friend's place. mandela. so before crashing there we thought we'd go round london looking for sunglasses. we were going to go to amsterdam. a pair of shades would be just as important as a pair of boxers. you really shouldn't mess around in tubes and train stations. especially if you're carrying important documents like say, your passport for that matter. we came from bayswater station, and after a few stops ash asked me if i had his passport holder, and if i was screwing around with him. i sure hoped i was. sometimes i mess around so much that people don't believe me. that's not really good. then again, this happened so many times with ash as well that i thought he was fooling around too. til he jumped off the train at the next stop and ran off to find the station ..people. for a good ten fifteen minutes or so we were hopeful. the people working there said that it all comes down to whether we were lucky. i mean, most of the time, people do good. most of the time. they found it at bayswater. if it was lost, ash wouldn't be able to go home. i.. just wouldn't be able to go to amsterdam. heh. night came, and we find mandela's place. had a few pints at a nearby bar, talked bout life and love. ash told us how he'd love to eat bah kut teh again. mandela cooks bah kut teh. we kinda found that hard to believe. until dinner was served. mandela was full of surprises. our awesome host was at it again. he had his own shisha bong, and that was officially my first time doing shisha. it was rather.. interesting. it was going to be a trip consisting of a whole lot of firsts.

07/04 day four. today's destination, harwich. you're supposed to pronounce it harich. sort of. that's where the ferry's going to be.from there, the ferry will go in a horizontal straight line to hoek van holland. or, the hook of holland. has a nice ring to it. the ferry leaves at nine in the morning, so we thought it'd be impossible to make it on time, coming from london. a night in harwich then. there has to be something there we could do to pass time right? mandela the chef cooked us fried rice before sending us off. awesome fella, that boy. after an hour or so on the train, we arrive in harwich. can you say, ghost town? the town was sort of like two rows of shops, which closed at four. forget that, we were the only customers around. we checked into our hotel that looked oh so haunted. after that, went out to ..well, do something. after walking a good mile or so, the only place of interest was probably a nice little pub with a little room that had a pool table. we decided to set camp there and played MANY hours of pool. this day was so boring that i think i'm going to conclude just like that.

08/04 day five. today, we go to amsterdam. but not before shitty harwich sends us off with a parting present, a freakin storm. we left the hotel and the receptionist noticed the sunglasses in my hand. "you're not going to need that today, i can assure you that." thank you very much, mr obvious. we check in at the port, and make our way to the ferry. massive boat. it's been nearly fifteen years or so since i last been on a ferry ride. i prayed that i wouldn't get seasick and throw up. the boat rocked like a see saw. i couldn't walk in a straight line. had to keep reminding myself that it wasn't me, it was the boat. i asked the bartender, "is the boat going to rock even more?" "we're not even out at the main seas yet." six hours later, the boat docked. at customs while an officer was stamping ashley's passport, i heard him ask ashley, "so, what's your purpose of visit to holland?" "..i'm going to amsterdam." the officer gave a cheeky smile and went "niiiccee." haha awesome. we arrived at the train station and checked out the map. just had to find a station with the word 'amsterdam'. shouldn't be too hard. ran into an english couple in the same predicament. we got on the train and realized there weren't any maps on the train to refer to. which meant that we had to stay awake and get off when we see the word amsterdam anywhere on the next say, dozen stations. we see all kinds of people along the way. my first thought, european people got style. i also saw my very first windmill, althought it just flashed by. we thought we saw the word amsterdam somewhere and got off. took a quick glance around the area and i gave a wry smile at the first shop i saw. a drug and herbs store. amsterdam, we're here. we got a map, and amsterdam was kind of like a semi circle, anda the station was pretty much at the heart of everything. crossed the street, and there we were. the city center. but first, unload. we thought it'd be more fun to not plan anything and just find a hotel or motel once we were there. fun, but not the smartest move. first hotel we saw, looked shabby, maybe a place a hooker would do her business. but oh well, we were in hooker town anyway. we checked in with the receptionist, and we asked him, "can we smoke?" "eh?" "weed?" "oh yes, weed. okay. we have. just, open the window when you smoke." haha. we checked out the types of weed available and i guess we picked the cheapest available. 15 euros. 5 grams of shiva. whatever shiva means. 5g was enought to make about four joints maybe. i couldn't remember. i got so stoned. here's how stoned we were. we saw a UFO. haha. no, seriously. we did. at least we thought we did. you can't trust anything you see when you're in that state. ashley went, "hey, look." outside the window i stared blankly at the night sky. and then i saw it. this 'star'.. was blinking. and then it disappeared. and then it appeared again at another location nearby. you may be thinking it's an airplane or something, and i thought so too.. until i saw it change direction. a sharp u turn. maybe 270 degrees. and blinked again, and disappeared for good. eat that. haha. you may think that weed and marjuana's bad, but like, coming all the way here and not experiencing the culture up close is just a waste of money. besides, it's legal, isn't it?


three more days.

london - amsterdam part 1.

4/4, day one. we agreed that we'd meet at the bus stop at 8.30. i was with shavi and atik, and we were on time. the bus arrived, and we saw alan and shannon running from two different directions. i never had faith in them waking up early. and if they did, something was bound to go wrong. the last time that happened, there was nearly a break up. a three hour train to london and back for 13 pounds didn't seem bad at all. the plan was to arrive in london by one or two, and find the hostel that we've booked, eat, loiter around for a bit, and then go to the jason mraz concert. from the outside, hyde park hostel looked pretty awesome. didn't look to great when we stepped inside the room. yes. one room. i know we only paid twelve pounds per head, but i didn't imagine it to be this bad. bunk double decker beds. eight of them. in a room probably the same size as my dorm room. we talked a bit, til we realized there were already occupants in the room, sleeping. at noon. who the hell sleeps at noon? in london? one white dude, one black dude. this might be bad for the girls. and why is it called hyde park hostel, when it's not in hyde park at all? bayswater hostel maybe? fast forward to 7, in this massive queue at the hmv apollo theater. quite a few asian faces. couldn't tell what were they. definitely not chinese. korean? jap? hk? viet? maybe a little mix of all of em. bought concert shirts. don't know why, but you absolutely have to buy concert shirts. like a little ritual or something. what grinds my gears is how they stall concerts with smaller name artists for like, forever before the main character shows himself. if i wanted to see that artist or band perform, i'd buy a ticket to their concert. but my ticket says jason mraz, so too bad. but one of them really caught my eye. although she really did look like an ant from where i was. priscilla ahn. look her up on youtube. korean american, with a voice that could turn a rock song into a lullaby. she's gonna be big. just you wait. half past nine, mr mraz finally shows himself. but damn it was worth the wait. played the favourites like i'm yours, 1000 things, beautiful mess, live high, lucky, and loads more. but we all know we all came to see mr toby on the percussions. colbie caillat wasn't going to be there to sing lucky, so priscilla ahn filled in for her. and she rocked. cute little giggle at the end too. after that, we had a little midnight snack that lasted til two in the morning. while walking back, we all thought we wouldn't be able to survive the night in that room. so we began scouting for other places. found the malaysian halls, but they had a curfew of eleven, and only accepted online bookings. directly opposite the halls, this hotel offered us 120 for a family suite, for what was supposed to be a 250 room, since we were only going to stay there for a good 8 hours. the room was sweet. everything was comfy. only thing that was missing from the picture was a bathroom lock.

5/4, day two. the rest of the gang was going to go back to keele today. but before that, shopping. shopping in london was amazing. supposedly amazing. for the rest of them. i didn't do any shopping. that's one for the history books. just had to keep reminding myself that i couldn't go broke before i went to amsterdam. spent most of the time we had in selfridges, a department store that can be compared a little to harrods. a little. harrods still trumps everything. i still find it weird how 19 year olds, or younger for that matter, can buy stuff from louis vuitton and gucci and etc, with a clear conscience. not trying to offend anyone here, but it's just my opinion. after a little daytime madness, the rest of them left, and i checked into the malaysian halls. my malay was a bit rusty, so it was a little entertaining and challenging talking to the receptionist, who was from kl. i had to share a twin room, but i was nowhere bothered by that after looking at the room. freaking hotel room standard yo. for the hefty price of.. six pounds fifty. half the price i had to pay for the shithole on the the first night. after dumping all my luggage, i went to grab a bite at a malaysian restaurant at the area with ashley. ashley's a guy. well if you've read my blog long enough you know ash already. i was going to go to amsterdam with him. just the two of us. how gay is that. had dinner with my brother's fiancee's aunt. complicated i know. i should've just said family friend. anyway. she worked in holland before and said amsterdam was terrific. and while i was there she told me to go to the clubs, get high, and go to the red light district. my mom wouldn't tell me that in a million years. got back to the malaysian halls by half ten. i waited up for my roommate. wanted to see how he was like. no, they wouldn't let girls share rooms with guys. this chinese dude came in. philip, if i remember correctly. from kl, a graduate. doctor. i think he's gay.


stay tuned. seven more days.

drumroll.

before i write about my absolutely ENTERTAINING trip to amsterdam,
i'm gonna need to get some sleep.

but before that.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMY!!

hope you had a good one, and of course many more blessed birthdays to come.

=)

swoosh.

LAW 55 - 65 MEDIC

seriously annoying scoreline that is.

alright, here's the deal. yesterday was the annual law versus medicine sporting events. theu comprise of basketball, football, netball, squash, and a few other sports which i really don't care. as a baller and law student i was really looking for ward to this one. one of the very few chances to kick medic butt. that didn't quite happen.

a fellow law student vanessa played them last year and well, law students won. because.. they had two giant black people and the medics just sucked pretty bad. although vanessa did leave out the part where the medics wanted revenge this year.. which seemed very obvious when they came to the courts with a fifteen man team.. against.. a four man law team. you need at least five people to make a team, so we had to sneak in a friend doing psychology and another guy.. who wasn't even from the same university, all before tip off. even though we had just about enough players on the team, but i still looked at it as damage limitation, seeing as how the medics were desperate enought to floor the keele team captain for both male and female and another whole team of black people. sigh. though i did find it amusing for just a split second, the thought, what if our team of three malaysians, one bruneian, one arab, and one russian with a heart problem who never played a single game together .. could beat a team of that size and experience.. funny.

really now, the odds were very clearly not on our side. you could tell, easily, by the spectators on the stands who were booing their heads off everytime we had the ball. but ahh, bliss, whenever your shot goes airborne and the gym just goes silent for that half a second that feels like forever.. and then the swoosh of the bucket, and you form a wry smile, and pace to the other end of the court while hearing everyone on the stands cussing at you. satisfaction.

eureka!

i got bored.

cooking's all bout experimentation.
and presentation.





they don't look as good as how mom makes them..
but hey, it's a start. =)

sway.

you can thank me later. but for now, i give you,
the list.

I WILL CONVERT YOU.

my all time favourite indie tracks.

Modest Mouse - Float On
Goldspot - Float On (this is a cover of the original Modest Mouse version, but it's not on youtube, so i can't paste a link. sorry. BUT IT'S REALLY GOOD.)
Rock Kills Kid - I Turn My Camera On
Rogue Wave - Debaser
Tally Hall - Smile Like You Mean It (a killers cover)
The 88 - How Good It Can Be
Youth Group - Forever Young
Imogen Heap - Goodnight And Go
Imogen Heap - Speeding Cars
Pinback - Fortress
Aqueduct - Hardcore Days And Softcore Nights (video don't really fit..but what the hell.)
The Eels - Saturday Morning
The Perishers - Trouble Sleeping
Beulah - Popular Mechanics For Lovers
Flunk - Play
Brandtson - Earthquakes And Sharks
Eberg - Inside Your Head
Petra Haden & Bill Frisell - Yellow (this totally gives Coldplay a run for their money)

whatchu think now?

crystal ball.

hello.
i.. am going to do a little prediction. i was about to show you a graph, or a chart or whatever, but i can't be arsed to. it was supposed to show you the labrador, america's favourite dog according to ellen, and some stats regarding how its population is going to increase drastically over the next couple of months. all because of this fella.



this movie is such a tear jerker.

remember, the next time you're in a conversation and someone says,
"OMG I HAVE TO GET THAT DOG/A LABRADOR!!" ,
think of me going,
"i told you so."

the missus/the lego.

"Dear mrs douglas chee

You can now take a look at your O2 bill for 19/03/09 online. Your total bill for this month is £53.63 and we’ll be requesting this amount from your chosen account on the date detailed on your bill.

To see your bill, click here .. "

mrs douglas chee aye?

anyways, sometimes i really wonder what kind of university i've enrolled into. i know it's all about the higher education and shizz, but.. i just don't see it! instead we're treated like kindergarten kids and you pass your subjects by building lego-like ..stuff. i might be overreacting though. today in CSI lab, we were supposed to form complicated DNA and molecular structures of your own choice. i chose Viagra. i just felt like it at the time. and when you're done, get your picture taken with your molecular structure as proof. and when you're done, dismantle it, clean up, and you'll get marks. i'm going to say it; i've not learnt anything from the session. aside from it bringing back distant memories from the lego period. period.

"say cheese!!"

..not gonna happen.

totally.

hmm.

we should take our pants off.

totally.

party pooper

guys. give me news. i'm just too lazy to look it up. haha. so. mom tells me to check REALLY carefully before deciding to actually go to amsterdam. cos of the obvious. and not so obvious. they tell me a terrorist attack recently happened in amsterdam?

nooooooooooooooooooo!!

damn you, DAMN YOU!!

i will not let terrorists spoil my vacation!

in the business of moms.

mother's day is coming up pretty soon.
just thought i'd do a little shopping.
for mom, of course.
i'm hoping it get's back on time.
just between you and me.
what do you think?
never before have i put so much thought behind getting mom something..
so i wouldn't know jack.
is this okay?





hmm.
maybe just the incentive mom needs to stay fit.

shh.
no tell mom.

back to the drawing board.

CSI.
an abbreviation for Crime Scene Investigation?
nope.
Crime, Science, and Investigation.

i was sorely disappointed.

lectures were a bore. but i mean, you've got to know your facts before going out to actually investigate, no?
so i wait. i get smart. i grow a beard.

then came lab. we were supposed to use black light, UV, white light, and magnifying glass to see what security features there were to prevent the forging of documents and whatnot.

our findings:


on a British id, we've got the Royal Crest.
on my Malaysian id, i've got ..my face.


i tried to draw the face of the queen. epic fail.

lookin forward to the next lab session!

jimi of the generation.

newest add on to the 'things to do before i die' list;

- See John Mayer perform live.

destination unknown.

it's been too long. howdy, people round the world. guess what. it's week six.
IT'S THE HALFTIME SHOWWW!!

sorry. i always wanted to do that. but yeah, it is the half time show, cos first year ends in week twelve. and that means so long, spring-less, summer-less england!!

there's just one thing. i'm not quite sure if it's a problem or not, because i've got to add another four weeks into the equation. one whole month for easter break. one month. back home, we don't even get one day.

a whole month, stuck in europe, with no classes at all. what to do, what to do.
TRAVVEEEELLLLLLL!!

68 pounds will get me to Barcelona.
82 pounds will get me to Amsterdam.
85 pounds will get me to Prague.
87 pounds will get me to Porto.

headache.

eh?
388 pounds will get me to Malaysia.

pretty girl.

song of the moment,
David Ryan Harris' Pretty Girl.
i've not heard of David Ryan Harris until a few days ago.
and i just fell in love with this song.
it's so sweet and shizz.

and every song i love,
i make a cover.
attempt to anyway.
i've got two up in youtube..
but i don't think it's good enough.
which is why my throat's pretty dry right now.

i have to stop looping that song before it gets old.

who are you, stranger?

it never quite occured to him how much he had just hurt her, simply by not being himself. it was probably fun, the first day or two, or maybe up to the end of the week. he recalled the moment he saw her that evening. she was simply stunning. who was he to go and approach her? well yes, he had the looks. he had the body. but she didn't know him like the others did. no way would she go anywhere near him if she knew. it was working. she fell for it. the charm. they kicked it off brilliantly. he was ecstatic. she was in love. at least she thought so. the person she was in love with, was non existant. he was too good to be true. it had to show someday. the charm would fade, the veil would be taken off, and she would see him. his true form. he was grateful it lasted as long as it did. it was like a story from one of those fables. but she found out. she thought she was smarter than that. she thought she was stronger than that. never in a million years would she have fallen for a trap like that. she broke down those walls. she let him through. she gave him everything. she loved him. now, she looked at him from across the room wondering to herself, "Who is this stranger?"

pew pew.

i am too postive to be doubtful.
too optimistic to be fearful.
too determined to be defeated.

it's in.

law: passed.

a whoopin fifty eight percent.
i could even afford to hand in an assingment worth thirty percent late,
and get a zero for it,
and ace the exam for the other seventy percent,
and still get a fifty eight.
hah.
i'm ecstatic.

really,
i am.

off to Birmingham we go!!!

behold.

see.
the issue.
i was spending 20 pounds a week..
just on phone credit alone.
that makes a good 80 pounds a month!
well i it was inevitable really,
since this was an international package,
giving me 2p per minute to call back home..
and texts are like 5p or something like that.
Talk Mobile is cool like that.
thing is.
as for local texts..
well.
20p per text.

that's not the worst of it.
my uni life is just beginning.
and already,
i've got four subjects in which i've got to do group projects and presentations.
and here i was thinking group work is always the best. so much fun.
like hell it is.
people tend to not cooperate.
people tend to sleep in whenever they can.
people tend to not do assignments.
what's worst of all.
i've got to lead this bunch of twats.
so.
i do the calling.
i do the setting up.
i do the dragging out of bed procedure.
hence,
80 quid a month.
logical yes?

for my efforts,
i thought i could get a little compensation.
say.. something like,
this.



i'm sorry. no no.
i meant,
this.

BEHOLD!!











i'm a
..shopaholic.

alright here's the deal.
if there wasn't a logical explanation for all this,
mom would kill.
like..
KILL.

i pay 40 quid a month.
that's basically already two times less than what i've been paying using prepaid.
what more..
i get that shiny little thing for free.
except the whole free thing is but a gimmick.
everyone knows that.
we just choose to look at it from another perspective.
perks and shizz.
500 texts per month,
1200 minutes talktime.
hell,
i could talk til my mouth runs dry.
oh.
and did i mention free internet on 3G?

see.
mom won't kill.
right?
RIGHT?