Sunday 24 May 2009

the process.

ironic, isn't it, how in the last survey i've done, one of my most wanted things to do was to go to the UK again.. and now that i'm here, i desperately want to go back home? i guess we're never going to be content with what we have.

anywho, start counting down with me. eight days until hot, humid air slaps its sweaty palms on my face again. two months ago i said to my friend,

'dude, it's exactly two months until we go home. home stretch baby.'

two months later, and it doesn't feel like time's moving any faster.

just to roughly let you picture how excited i am about going home, i've set my clock back to malaysian time. no, not my watches or clocks. because if i did that, i'd probably miss all of my exams, and be wondering why the sun's still setting at three in the morning. my biological clock, to be precise. i go to bed at six or seven pm here, when it looks like it's still noon outside. that's one or two in the morning back in malaysia. i wake up at one or two in the morning, UK time, and stay up. just to hear my drunk housemates come back from the club and destroy the kitchen.

quite frankly, i don't quite care what happens to the house anymore. i'm moving out. next semester when i come back, i'll be staying in hopefully a more conducive environment to ..shall we say.. sanity. rooms with their own bathrooms, so i could take hour-long showers. i think those rooms have queen sized beds too. there's probably enough room for me to roll around naked in a bed full of cash. nah, don't imagine that.

so yesterday, i thought i ought to start packing my stuff, me being immensely bored at at five in the morning. i needed cardboard boxes, so i went out to the back of the university shop to see if there were any lying around near the trash. saw the cleaner. must've thought,

'hmm, these chinese kids sure are strange, up at this hour scouring trough trash. poor kid. he must've been a hobo back in his mainland..'

i just thought i'd ask the fella if he had any boxes, that'll do me a whole world of good, and make me look less of a jackass standing there knee deep in trash. so i asked him.

'excuse me sir, was wondering if you had any cardboard boxes in good condition? needa pack my stuff.'

so he started looking. hard. like, really concentrating. like, trying to dig up treasure. he must've felt pretty sorry for me. handed me about half a dozen good ones.

'here you go kid, these ones i know they're good, i threw 'em here yesterday myself. hand picked!'

'ahh cheers. that's uhh... that's swell.'

---

went to watch angels and demons couple of days ago. i thought the book was epic. and the movie.. well, the movie turned out to be just mediocre. the plot was altered quite a bit. which is why if you didn't read the book you'd probably just go, wtf. they turned it into somewhat of a die hard-esque action movie. i also never imagined ewan mcgregor in the role of a villain. turned out he was good at being bad. which is not bad at all.

9.

Friday 22 May 2009

the yesteryears.


i miss being stupid.

with these guys.









4 years.

Horses, where've you gone?

Saturday 16 May 2009

start today, tomorrow.


when the sun sets today..

i'll start counting down.

16 days.
386 hours.
11580 minutes.
694800 seconds.

i need cardboard boxes.


Wednesday 13 May 2009

Fabo-Wear.

dear diary,

it seemed like i was rolling round the bed forever last night. but before that, let me get into detail what happened. you see, me and six other people were supposed to be doing this project; an assignment, to come up with a real business plan that could actually work, and explain how we were going to run it, and of course picking out a unique product. so. we were informed of this eight weeks ago. nevertheless, being university students, and students in general, we absolutely must procrastinate. you're just not normal if you don't. despite my efforts to turn this issue around, it was simply of no use. free will. and when you leave it up to them, they just won't show up for classes or meetings. not that i cared. initially.

seven weeks and twenty nine days later, i got supremely worried. i got a text, and we met up in the computer lab in the library. finally, everyone shows up. all seven of us. even a member i never knew existed. people here seem to thrive on last minute jobs. i thought to myself, if we could pull this off, we were gods. in a way. we asked each other, "we're selling clothes, how we gonna fund it?" lucky enough, we've got this guy in our group who produces music. actual.. music. like, his own production company, called Skillz Beatz. so what we did, we sort of copied 50 Cent. G-Unit. 50 Cent came up with his own clothing line, G-Unit, even made it into a group. so, we thought we could do the same. Skillz would be like 50 Cent, and his clothing would be called, Fabo - Wear. i swear i did not come up with that name. it worked. we came up with our business plan, what everyone was to do in the company, and our finance department worked out that in our first three months, we'd have a nett profit of near 120 grand. as in 120000 POUNDS. jaws dropped. but we played along. at this rate, we could take down ed hardy. it'll take a bit of an effort to touch gucci. and yes, we did state in our plan that our competition would be those of BAPE, Ed Hardy, and other brands that you might not find in your local department store. optimistic, are we not? the only thing was, that each of us needed to come up with the starting capital of seventeen thousand to make ends meet. we could do it.

we kept truckin' in the library from three in the afternoon to nightfall. we didn't even realise it was night, as the sunset kinda was around nine to ten. i slept at ten. just thought i needed to be alert in the presentation the next day. i woke up at three. for some reason. partially due to the noise my drunk housemates were making, and partially also because i was too damned excited and nervous at the same time. got out of bed at five and began rehearsing. presentation was at half nine. first thought that came to mind, "dress smart. you're going to be facing real businessmen. real entrepreneurs. they know their stuff. make a good first impression." suited up. hair all oiled up. somehow, in front of the mirror, all i could think about was k-pop. $#&%.

i met up with everyone around eight. they too looked slick. all my teammates were african, and two asians. everyone looked like they had real grit. it's either that or they faced the fact that they're going to a certain death. clouds came in, even the rain was imminent. no thunder though. thought it might add well to the drama. oh well. marched in precisely on time, forced smiles all over. the three invigilators welcomed us in. from the looks of it; black suit and dress, they were serious too. all three of them behind a long desk, this was beginning to look like american idol.

we started off with a bang. each one of us somehow finding dutch courage, and information and arguments just came pouring out of our mouths. everything seemed natual. born businessmen. "what is this line right here.. Mess Of Swagger?" "Oh that? that's like our thing, our slogan in a way, actually depicting who we are, and what we bring to the business, enterpreting that into our clothing." well said. "how are you going to fund all this then?" "we got Skillz Beatz." anything finance related, Skillz would take care of it. hands down.

somehow, they bought it. and like, they thought we were awesome. in their words, we were in the running to be in the top five of the whole uni, and we had a chance to get in a competition, in which the winner runs off with two grand. wicked. we stepped out of the board room, the invigilators all smiles and shouting, "I LIKE THAT, SWAGGER!! HAHAHA" literally. high fives and hugs on the way out. i think i have some sort of lucky charm in that suit of mine.

i need sleep.

doug.

Monday 11 May 2009

the best thing.


we were in the room. i could still picture the moment as if it was yesterday. for that point in time, i thought that nothing could go wrong for us. i felt like i could take on the world. this was basically it, all that i needed; the best thing that has ever happened to me. the best thing. discreetly i wondered, what did i do to deserve such good fortune? it was then i remembered the words. and i sang to her, every single word and line treated like an oath, a promise.


"We should get jerseys cause we make a great team
But yours would look better than mine, cause you're out of my league
And I know that it's so cliche to tell you that everyday
I spend with you is the new best day of my life
Everyone watching us just turns away with disgust
It's jealousy, they can see that we've got it going on


And I'm racking my brain for a new improved way
To let you know your more to me than what I know how to say
You're okay with the way this is going to be
This is going to be the best thing that we've ever seen

Or maybe I'm just lucky cause it's hard to believe
Believe that somebody like you'd end up with someone like me
And I know that it's so cliche to talk about you this way
But I'll push all my inhibitions aside
It's so very obvious to everyone watching us
That we have got something real good going on


If anyone can make me a better person you could
All I got to say is I must have done something good
You came along one day and you rearranged my life
All I got to say is I must have done something right
I must have done something right


...

All my life I've been searching for you
How did I survive in this world before you
Cuz I don't wanna live another day without you now

Cos when I looked into your eyes
And you dared to stare right back
You should've said "Nice to meet you, I'm your other half"

This is the best thing
The best thing that could be happening
And I think you would agree
The best thing is that it's happening to you and me

Always knew
I'd find someone
I never dreamt
It'd be like this
You've surpassed
All that I've hoped for and ever wished
And I'm trying so hard
With all my heart and mind
To make your life as good as you've made mine.. "


she had tears in her eyes when i was done.
a promise. a promise that i've failed to keep.


i, uhh..

i am freaking twenty one.

i am not that old right?

i am in denial.

Sunday 3 May 2009

What Would You Do?


Boys and girls wanna hear a true story?

Saturday night was at this real wild party
They had the liquor overflowin' the cup, about
5 or 6 strippers tryin to work for a buck
and I-took one girl outside wit me, her name
was Loni, she went to Junior High wit me,
I said, Why you up in there dancin for cash?,
I guess a whole lots changed since I seen you last
She said..

What would you do?, if your son was at home
crying all alone on the bedroom
floor, cos he's hungry
and thee only way to feed him is ta sleep wit a man
for a little bit of money, and his daddy's gone
somewhere smokin' rock now, in and out of lock down,
I aint gotta job now, so for you
this is just a good time
but for me this is what I call life.

Girl you aint tha only one with a baby,
that's no excuse to be livin all crazy
then she looked me right square in the eye
and said everyday I wake up hopin' to die,
she said- nigga I know about pain cos,
me and my sista ran away, so my daddy
couldn't rape us, before I was a teenager
I'v been through more shit, you can't even
relate to!

yo wait a second,
check it man something just aint soundin right,
your tellin me your girlfriend couldnt go out
and get a regular job?
that is mad shortys goin through the same thing yo,
if I ever ran into yo girlfriend I'd probablly say
hold up...

What would you do?
Get up on my feet and let go of every excuse
What would you do?
Cos I wouldn't want my baby, to go through what
I went through
What would you do?
Get up on my feet, stop makin tired excuses
What would you do?
Girl I know if my mother can do
it, baby you can do it.

Oooo, oooo, oooo-(yea, yea, yea, yea)

(guy)
What would you do? if your son was at home,
crying all alone on the bedroom
floor, cos he's hungry
and the only way to feed him is to sleep wit a man
for a little bit of money, and his daddy's gone
somewhere smokin rock now, in and out of lock down,
I aint gotta job now, so for you
this is just a good time
but for me this is what I call life (Come on)






Saturday 2 May 2009

I dare you.


"I dare you to lift yourself up from the floor."


"We were meant to live for so much more, have we lost ourselves?"

"This is your life, are you who you want to be?"

"Where's your treasure, where's your hope, if you get the world and lose your soul?"

"I want to see miracles, see the world change."

"Don't fall down in this broken world around you."

"All of your hoping, and all of your searching, for what?"

"Could it be true, can life be new, and can i be used?"

"We are the target market, we set the corporate target, we are the slaves of what we want."

"I've been thinking about the meaning of resistance, of a hope beyond my own, and suddenly the infinite and penitent begin to look like home."

"Let the weak say i am strong, and it won't be long, let the right say i was wrong, and it won't be long, let us find where we belong."

"Why this tragedy, why can't we seem to keep it together?"

"I want to wake up kicking and screaming, i want to live like i know what i'm leaving, i want to know that my heart's still beating."

"You've one life, one life left to lead."

"In this life i've been burning after more, we both know what these open arms are for."

"We were young and the world was clear, but young ambitions disappear.. i swore it would never come to this; the average, the obvious."

"Before i die i want to burn out bright."

"There's still fire in you yet."

"I know now you're my only hope."

"I find peace when i'm confused, i find hope when i'm let down.. not in me, but in you."


- Switchfoot.